Anchored

Survival till May, that's all I require. I've got to anchor myself somehow till then, I need something that will keep me connected enough to focus. I've worked and re-worked my plans for after that and have them down to a near science.

I think I've got that all worked out, hopefully.


To anchor myself though is the hard part. I have only one possibility that presents itself at the moment in my mind. Fingers crossed. Time for a decidedly emo feel, go listen to Rescue Me by Hawthorne Heights and read my Wind Rivers blog again.

Anchors' away motherfucker, May or death!


-redbishopII

Wind Rivers

Distant, unconnected. That's how I feel, set apart, looking at the world and my peers through frosted glass. The pointlessness of what I'm doing now is building, the need to get out increasing exponentially.

Music is the only thing which allows me to hold on to my sanity, without it the sense of the impending death of my soul would overwhelm me.

All I have to do is survive long enough to get out. I'm going to disappoint a lot of people when I do, but that really doesn't matter. I can't be who others want me to be, I can only be who I am. Whoever that is.

In the end they'll be just fine and so will I. I'll achieve some of the initial goals and dreams they have for me, I'm just not doing it in the expected or prescribed manner. Supposedly its the end result that really matters anyway. But no matter, its either live my life my way or lose it entirely, and I'm sorry but I'll choose the former.

Oh I nearly forgot, Wind Rivers, a mountain range somewhere in Wyoming, near the Jim Bridger Wilderness Area. We call them mountains, but Wind Rivers just seems so much more fitting, it speaks to the mind and heart in a way that mountains doesn't.

-redbishopII

Postal

Going postal. It would be so easy at times to, as friend put it, "walk down to McDonald's with a shotgun and thin the herd." It can be so hard at times not too, so hard to hang on to these scraps of sanity which humanity has left us with. And yet we do hang on, we resist the urge to "thin the herd."

Why? Morals and ethics instilled in us by our parents from birth? Fear of retribution from family or law enforcement? Some little innate survival instinct? Whatever it is it allows us to hang on to that sanity.

But not all of us do, some go over the edge, usually with terrible consequences. What allows some to hang on, to push through it, while others lose the battle?

-redbishopII